Updates

I did not finish NaNoWriMo this year! BAWWWW

I am a "Geek Culture Examiner" for Examiner.com now, and you can see my articles here.

In other news I have perfected my procrastination skills, so I suppose it is time to move on to something else.

Twitter is run by a bunch of Wussies.

In case you haven't seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High, a wuss is part wimp and part pussy.


At any rate, recently the topic #nogod trended very high on twitter, the result of Retarded Reverend Run posting the oft quoted and always backhandedly hateful "No God, No Peace / Know God, Know Peace". This led to a great digital celebration by atheists, and bug-eyed/mouth-foaming rage from the christians, all spouting their typical hate speech and demanding that twitter remove the trending topic. Before too long the mountain of gaping sores that run Twitter buckled, merging the #nogod trending topic with #knowgod, so the #nogod topic was hidden.

Over this last weekend and for more than 24 hours the topic #youmightbealiberal trended in the top topics, a hashtag used by the Fox News zombie set to make a lot of vulgar and hateful comments, many of which were blatantly racist, under the guise of "political humor".

The display was altogether incredibly sad, and I found myself compelled to take some kind of action. Motivated by the fact that Twitter had just recently buckled and removed a trending topic for users almost entirely from southern USA, I decided to contact twitter. The email I sent follows:

"Recently I observed as a trending topic (#nogod) was cleverly taken off by merging it with (#knowgod) in what seemed to be an obvious attempt to placate outrage shown by christian users. I was, personally, very disappointed by this action as I felt on a whole it opened up an opportunity for possible dialogue about theology, but I understand why the trending topic was removed even if I don't agree with you. I am writing now to urge you to take action against the #youmightbealiberal trending topic and remove it from the trending list. this topic is doing nothing but propagating hatred and slander on your service (from both liberal and conservative viewpoints). I feel that if Twitter has stepped in to modify the trending topics simply to not offend a single group of people, Twitter should absolutely step in in this instance to stop this service from being utilized to spread and fuel the short-sighted and close-minded prejudices that currently divide our country at present."

Pretty great, right? I know, but thank you. Not that I expected Twitter to actually grow a pair of testicles and take action on the matter, but I did remain hopeful that some idealistic doe-eyed intern would read the message and respond with some genuine empathy. Not the case:

"Hello,

Thanks for your email. While I understand your frustration, Twitter is primarily a service provider rather than a content mediator. As such, we do not mediate disputes over potentially disparaging content."

Then why did you do it a week ago? Congratulations, Twitter! Congratulations on your complete fucking lack of a spine.

Heroes Episode Review: "Shadowboxing"

How people can write a show about people with fucking SUPERPOWERS and make it so inane and boring is absolutely astonishing to me. This week, on Lifestyles of the Superpowered and Fa..oring? Boreous? Boring. It's boring.


Anyway. This week we follow three stories almost as lacking in excitement as one another:

• We pick up where we last saw Claire, hanging out in a suuuuper spooooooooky meat factory for "sorority (more like bore-ority) initiation"
  
• Matt/Sylar/Sylar/Matt is leaving wherever and heading to New York City to bully some answers out of Peter Petrelli
  
• Peter and Mildly-Offensive-Deaf-Hospital-Office-Administrator-Lady(MODHOAL) essentially do nothing

After Invisible Sorority Girl tries to skewer Gretchen in the meat factory and summarily makes an impromptu Claire-kabob for the other rushes to see, Claire and Gretchen have no hard time convincing the other two girls that they are all on "drugs" - a clear indicator that none of these girls have ever, in fact, used "drugs". The bore-gasm is then continued when the completely expected and in no way surprising event of Gretchen not-being-able-to-deal-with-all-this-superpowery-stuff occurs and she decides to go home, thus shattering the wet dreams of at least hundreds of sad nerds across the globe, and ending one of the most poorly contrived attempts to win back viewership I have ever witnessed. Some more completely unnecessary events happen. Seriously, if they cut all the filler and just presented the plot points that remotely affect the god damn awful storyline, this season would have about a 20 minute total run time so far.

I can't fight this feeling anymore...
that the show is going down the drain faster than a coat hanger abortion, I mean.

Cut to Peter, who saves some nameless extras with his new life-giving ability after a train crash. MODHOAL pouts and generally looks dejected. This repeats for all of their scenes in this episode.

I really cherish this time we spend together being uninteresting filler content.

Sylar, in control of Matt Parkman's unfortunate blubbering physique, waddles through a metal detector in the airport - only to find that Parkman stashed a gun in his bag! Completely unpredictable hijinks such as this continue, with Parkman even tripping Sylar (who is in control of Matt's body, so, that's stupid) like a third rate Loony Toons character. Sylar unsurprisingly responds by bashing in a Good Samaritan's head with a tire iron. Sylar and Matt then sit in the diner Charlie worked at, idly threatening each other until Sylar convinces Matt to spill the beans on where his body is. They (he? whatever) leave the diner, at which point we see that while Sylar was absently doodling while in the restaurant, Matt had written "I HAVE A GUN AND I AM GOING TO KILL EVERYONE IN HERE" on the paper, and the waitress called in the 5-0. Outside the pair is met by a completely absurd amount of cops skidding into the parking lot and popping out of their cars in the usual fashion that they do in fictionalized versions of such a scenario. Matt, having finally had enough of this awful script, manages to take back enough control of his body to make like he's moving to pull a gun out of his jacket, at which point he is just fucking riddled with bullets (like so many bullets, seriously, you don't even know).

So many.

Oh, I almost forgot. there is a brief scene near the beginning where Sylar's Body wakes up at The Carnival, turns into Nathan, looks confused, then flies away. The episode ends with Nathan arriving at Peter's apartment, with a truly brotherly "Gosh Petey, I think I'm in big trouble!". Really, this whole episode existed just to show those two 15 second scenes. Fucking embarrassing.


I'm sure you're asking yourself why I continue to watch a show I obviously do not like. Trust me, I ask myself the same question.

This is an update about nothing in particular

I probably shouldn't be updating my blog about nothing or making comics about kids with weak stomachs with NaNoWriMo less than two weeks away, but here I am anyway.

There are just about a million things I wanna get going that are probably going to have to wait until next year on account of NaNoWriMo, so hopefully the trade off of a complete novel first draft will be worth it.

Also I have watched so much television recently that I felt compelled to write fanfiction. I didn't actually do it, thankfully, but still. I need to get out of the house more ever.

Balloon Boy! The Comic

My epic re-imagining of the insanely stupid Balloon Boy story.

So Disney Bought Marvel.

Illustration by Khary Randolph.

I originally planned to write this big exploratory article on what's going on and my guesses about the future, but I lost the zest for it. Instead, I give you this:





Marvel sold out! Sellouts! Fuck them up their asses!

Anyone out there with this argument who says they wouldn't sell their business for $4 billion dollars, no matter what or how dear it is to them, is a liar. Plain and simple, you're lying.


The comics are all going to be ruined and watered down and have fucking Donald Duck and Goofy join the X-Men!

This is just stupid. If the acquisition hadn't been made so public on the internet, no one would have even noticed. Disney owns a shitload of other companies, Miramax and ABC included. Both of which release tons and tons of adult-oriented material. Disney didn't buy Marvel to fuck with it's shit, they bought Marvel for the rights to the characters. The intention here being to make ADDITIONAL content to appeal to 8 - 18 year old boys. So more cartoons, action figures, pajamas, whatever. The comics, I'm sure, will remain unchanged.


What about Marvel Comics Island in Universal Studio's Islands of Adventure Park?

Hey, a decent question! From Examiner.com: "According to the Orlando Sentinel, Universal Studios will retain control of all Marvel attractions inside Islands of Adventure, including the popular Incredible Hulk roller coaster and the Amazing Adventures of Spider-Man 3-D ride. Moreover, no theme park east of the Mississippi River will be allowed to build attractions based on the Marvel characters featured in the existing Islands of Adventure rides.". So Marvel stays intact at Islands of Adventure. However, Since the deal with Universal is only good east of the Mississippi River, I wouldn't be surprised if California sees a complete Marvel theme park eventually.


There you have it. The comics stay the same, the theme park stays the same, and there will be some new cartoons. So nerds, quit your god damn bitching.

At the Movies!

For the first time in longer than I can remember, there are a ton of movies coming to US theaters that I want to see! This last stretch of 2009 is ripe with entertainment; so I've put together a little guide for you in order of release. You're welcome.


Funny People

I don't normally like Adam Sandler, but I trust Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen.


Cold Souls

I'm so excited this movie is actually being released. I remember reading about it when it premiered at Sundance, and I am super stoked to finally see it.


G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Yes, this movie looks god damn awful. It's a movie based on a cartoon that is two decades old and existed only to function as half hour toy commercials, what did you expect? However nostalgia and Ray Park as Snake Eyes are enough to get my ass in a seat.


Paper Heart

From the trailer alone I can tell you that this movie might be a contender for my Top 10 Movies of All Time (which is actually more like 50...).


District 9

I don't know if I'll be able to deal with all the awesome Sci Fi movies coming out this year.


I Sell the Dead

Ron Pearlman.


Ponyo

New Hayao Myazaki movie, and unsurprisingly it looks incredible.


The Time Traveler's Wife

The Hollywood bastardization of one of the best novels I've ever read, but that's a different article.


Inglorious Basterds

"In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as "The Basterds" are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by scalping and brutally killing Nazis." By Quentin Tarantino.


Halloween 2

Oh Danielle Harris, please survive again!


Gamer

And the Sci Fi hits just keep coming!


9

Will definitely see this opening night.


Jenifer's Body

New Diablo Cody penned movie, definitely pumped about it.


Pandorum

A Sci Fi thriller starring Ben Foster, one of my favorite actors!


Surrogates

Seriously, is this the season of science fiction, or what?


Whip It!

Two things I love: roller derby, and Ellen Page. Together!


Zombieland

Bill Murray is a zombie in this movie according to imdb, and that is all I need to know.


The Road

I love anything post-apocalyptic. (Note to self: finish reading the book before this comes out!)


Where the Wild Things Are

If the movie itself is even half as good as the trailer, it's probably going to be the best movie I see this year.


Astro Boy

Classic!


Ninja Assassin

This movie is called Ninja Assassin. It is about a ninja assassin. This is relevant to my interests.

Avatar
There isn't a real trailer for this yet, but it's supposed to be groundbreaking and 3D and super fantastic!


Sherlock Holmes

Oh come on, this looks bad-ass, don't pretend it doesn't.

"The Princess and the Frog", or "Bullshit Attempt at Pandering, and Intellectual Theft"

It goes without saying that this movie is going to be a steaming pile of dogshit. Gone are Disney's glory days, and it's completely mind boggling to me why they would even consider wandering back into hand-drawn animation after how badly they failed at it in the end, before ultimately calling it quits on 2D films altogether.

Unfortunately for film goers, Disney fans, children, and all sentient life really, Disney decided to jump back in, with a urbanfied and slightly twisted take on the story of the frog prince.

I'm sure the film will be rife with ridiculous cultural stereotyping, in the vein of Disney's own The Proud Family - remember that show? Because it aired for 3 seasons, and managed to make even my iron stomach turn.

I'm typically the last person in line to complain about character stereotyping in fiction, and the first to rolls my eyes at those who will decry such works as offense. This isn't because I'm insensitive, it's because I have the sense to realize that prejudice, stereotypes, racism, male chauvinism, all these things are ideas. Fighting against these things is the same as the "War on Terror" - it's nonsense. All of these things have existed since we evolved enough to conceptualize how to hate each other, and these things will all continue to exist until we end up eventually destroying our entire species. I'm not saying these things are right, or just, or fair, I'm saying that people should spend more of their lives focusing on making themselves happy than getting offended over stupid shit you or I will ever be able to stop or control.

Stepping off the soapbox and back on topic, the proud family was both a circus of pointed and obnoxious stereotypical behavior, and Carlos Mencia was a regular on the voice cast. For those who aren't familiar or don't remember, here's a clip:



Lookit them chicken and waffles dad is about to NOM down at 0:14! Look at how thugnificent all the characters are, except the nerdy ginger girl with glasses and braces! Hilarious!

This shitfest was the pinnacle of Disney trying to capture a black target audience, and with the facts about The Princess and the Frog, it seems pretty obvious we're going to be taken on a similar journey. Disney has the capability to tell a compelling, visually interesting story about non-white people using stories from other countries (Mulan) so why not do something similar here if the color of the female protagonist is the linchpin of the story? It's poorly thought out, and just hand feeding the ignorant masses their willingly mindless soup for an hour and a half.

With all that said, none of it is what really bothers me about this flick. The real issue lies in the blatant intellectual theft from Don Bluth.

Yes, Don Bluth. Allow me to drop some knowledge for those who may not know. Don Bluth was once a Disney animator. Unhappy with the direction the quality of the films was going at the time, Bluth raised a fist to the sky and cried "Nay! I shall not stand for these trite films, patronizing the intelligence of our audiences! I will start my own animation studio, and make art, and it shall be good!". And it was good. The Secret of NIMH, An American Tail, The Land Before Time, and All Dogs Go to Heaven (my personal favorite) are all Don Bluth classics.

For those unfamiliar, All Dogs Go to Heaven takes place in New Orleans, and is an epic tale of redemption following the exploits of selfish gambling hall co-owner Charlie B. Barkin after he gets murdered, comes back to earth from heaven, and meets a little girl with the innate ability to communicate with animals. Along the way we have some laughs and adventures, and make some new friends. One of those friends is the wildly flamboyant King Gator, seen below.



A huge singing New Orleans alligator! Always a good time. Now let's look at a character in The Princess and the Frog, Louis, who is seen briefly in the video below.



Boy does he look familiar!





That sure is some coincidence, how everything about the character is exactly the same except he is more Dumb and Dumber than Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.

Hopefully the film will tank and Disney will wise up and either quit 2D animation for good, or start making decent films again. Luckily for Disney they'll live on regardless, piggybacking on our nostalgia and better studios PIXAR and Ghibli.

Iiiiiiiiiit's been...

...one month since I posted in my blog!

I would promise to update more often, but I probably won't, and no one reads this anyway!

I've been playing Fallout 3, for real, finally. If my character in that game is any kind of reflection of my true nature, then it scares me. Playing that game I sometimes feel as though I am staring into the dark true heart of human nature, and it is a devilish thing.

I have been reading Wicked Plants: The Weed That Killed Lincoln's Mother and Other Botanical Atrocities. Nature is far more terrifying to me now than it had even been previously, just full of bears and whatnot. Thanks, book.

I am working on some literary type things, one of which may or may not begin to hit the internet soon, probably depending completely on a whim at the time.

It seems a ant has made it's way into my tea. Foolish ant, you don't belong in there!

Auto-tune the News is easily one of the most brilliant things I've seen on the internet in a long time:

Also these same gentlemen (The Gregory Brothers) make non-jokey music that is absolutely fantastic, and can be heard here.

-b.

What's going on here!

Clearly I have not made good to keep up with regular updates, but hopefully this large one will make up for it.

Things are good post move, though I sorely miss my friends in the west part of the state. I have however been getting a lot of work done, and have some pretty exciting projects in the works, that I will elaborate on in the future.

Here are some things I've been way into recently:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Joss Whedon's long-running vampire masterwork. I have been watching a few episodes a day for the last week(ish).

Kashi GOLEAN Crunchy! Bars

I have been jammin' on these delicious bars for lunch recently, and I find them highly satisfactory, both in taste and energy provided. The Cinnamon Coffee Cake bar is especially incredible.

Function: Drinks

These are like Vitamin Water, only significantly better. I am a Vitamin Water fan don't get me wrong, but these drinks contain massive benefits you can feel, and are also insanely tasty.

Pomegranates - Everybody, Come Outside!

I have listened to this new record by art-rockers Pomegranates for a few weeks now over and over. It is a good soundtrack for everything. Also of note: it is a concept album about a guy who is kidnapped by a time traveler while swimming across the ocean.

That's all I've got for now. Happy Tuesday, internet.

Mega Insane Crazy Happy Fun Time Update!

Well Hello. It's been a while.

The primary reason for my absence is that I did indeed decided to move to Gainesville, FL. I now reside in a home downtown with my lovely girlfriend! Moving had been a soul destroying experience in and of itself, though. We still don't have everything unpacked and set up. THERE IS SO MUCH STUFF. It went without a hitch though, all things considered. I drove the U-Haul here with great success and no collisions/property damage to speak of. The city is nice so far, the little bit of it I've been out and about in, and we're only two blocks from downtown, which is a good place to be when your feet are your primary mode of transportation. So in conclusion, the move went smoothly and I'm glad to be here.

I have however seen some movies and such recently I feel compelled to share my opinions on with you, the vast and unruly internet. GO!

Mutant Chronicles.

a independently produced sci-fi action romp, based on a tabletop roleplaying game, with Ron Pearlman in a lead role. This appeals to me on so many levels out of the gate, I figured it either had to be: enormously disappointing, or insanely amazing. (un?)Fortunately it was neither, but it was a fully satisfactory flick. The movie takes place in 2707, and the world is run by 4 corporations, who are all, unsurprisingly, at war with one another. During a firefight between two of these corporations a seal is broken over an alien machine that was centuries buried in the earth, thats single purpose was to convert dead and dying humans into human-killing mutant deviants. An order of monks is in place to protect humanity led by Brother Samuel (Ron Pearlman) who, according to the "Chronicles", has to assemble a small elite team to go into the pit where the machine is and destroy it. From here the movie takes fairly standard action movie queues through till the end, with the team itself comprised of a veritable who's who of racial movie stereotypes. We have (in no particular order): The Lone Wolf Anti-Hero (Thomas Jane, doing his best Bruce Willis impersonation), The Comic-Relief Latino (Luis Echegaray), The Heart of Gold Black Guy Who Also Dies First (Pras), The Badass Asians (Devon Aoki and Tom Wu, respectfully), the Douchebag German (Benno Furmann), and the Monks Who Are Badass Regardless of Religious Affiliation (Ron Pearlman and Anna Walton). One major positive I can give to the film is the cinematography, which is all filtered to look very washed out, with the exception of the color red, which makes the blood splatters look more righteous and the monk's attire look more badass. All in all an acceptable tale, but not much you haven't experienced before.

Star Trek.

You've probably seen this, and already know that it is completely awesome. If you haven't seen it, it is completely awesome in every respect and you need to go see it immediately. Okay!

This American Life Live! Return to the Scene of the Crime.

This is the second of these live broadcast events that Ira Glass and the TAL crew have done, and needless to say this one was every bit as good at this first time. The format was a bit different, as the show was (mostly) broadcast as a radio episode as well. The acts were all good, and included a segment by my favorite TAL contributor (Starlee Kine) and a performance of "A Heart Broken" from Commentary! The Musical (musical commentary on the excellent Doctor Horrible's Sing-Along Blog DVD) by Joss Whedon.

That's about all I have this time around, be prepared for more frequent and meaty updates soon.

Decisions.

Do I move to Gainesville? DO I? I'm not sure, but I only have a few days to decide. I suppose this is the kind of thing that is supposed to be a big deal. A big corporation would call it a "Major Life Event", and probably let me change my benefit plans. It feels kind of insignificant, though. By that I simply mean that I'm not stressed out about it, though I am already strongly leaning in one way about it.

Today I've been extraordinarily tired. I do not like it.


-b.

Things That Are Hard

BULLET LIST, ENGAGE!

• Getting the rest of this damn site up.
• Not eating junk food.
• Being too ADD to work on only one project, but too OCD to jump around between them.
• Going to my day job at 3:30pm and missing this beautiful day.

Complaining is relatively easy for me, I might even say it's one of my strong points. I can complain about anything you put in front of me, it's just my nature. That isn't to say that I don't thoroughly enjoy a good deal of things, because I do! I just always see faults first. Example: This refreshing AMP ENERGY RELAUNCH(TM) brand beverage I am consuming is both delicious and energizing, but as soon as I grabbed the can up from the dark cave of recently dispensed goods at the bottom of the vending machine, I noticed a dent in the can and scowled slightly. If the cover of a new book gets ratty too quickly I will LOSE IT. Especially if a loaned out book is returned in such a state. Some people might call me a "pessimist", or possibly an "asshole", but I think the situation is quite contrary. I only see all the negatives because I always hope for something perfect. Oh, maybe I am an asshole, then.


-b.

"Thirst For Power!" or, "Oh, hello."

Well here I am, back on the internet in proper form. Not terribly certain of the best way to kick this off, so I guess I'll introduce myself for those of you reading this that aren't already indoctrinated into my cult-like following.

My name is Bryan Richard Sarrasin. I'm 25 years old, however I look more like I'm 20 and act more like I'm 12. I have positively no idea 'what I want to do with my life' in the traditional, industrious, all-american dream sort of way. I have mostly done work in various parts of the IT industry for the past 6 years, and because of my current distinct lack of any type of college degree, I am largely only employable within this industry. This is quite unfortunate, considering the fact that sitting in an office/cubicle/box 40+ hours a week assisting people with checking their dang email.

The only thing I 'want to do with my life' in any degree is write. Which is really why this blog exists. This website once hosted my portfolio (and will again soon), however due to circumstances surround my employment (or lack thereof) and housing (or lack thereof) I haven't really written much of anything in the last year. I have about 8 different half finished projects started over the last two years, in varying mediums from an ongoing comic book series to a children's book to a book of nonfiction essays to a book of poetry. These are my current focus outside of my job that actually makes me money, though I may soon find myself in a situation where I can focus the majority of my time on writing. Thus this blog exists, now to help me shake the rust and dust off, and hopefully in the future to provide laughs and updates on my career, as big or small as it ever is. Either way thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoy the ride.


- b.

Welcome

Welcome to my blog. Please check back soon for new entries.